Kiss
Puke
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
