yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
