I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
