That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
