Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
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he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
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Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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