see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
