By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Two words: blizzard sex
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
