I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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