you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
