I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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