he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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