Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
