I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
