I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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