He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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