Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
