Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
