Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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