how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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