The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
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I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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