Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
