i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
