theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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