chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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