dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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