Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just found puke in my bra..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
