Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
