I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize