If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
