the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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