theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
