We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
