i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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