In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
