I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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