i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
