just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
