I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
