thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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