I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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