im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
