I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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