I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
