I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
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btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize