break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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