some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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