You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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