I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
