Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
