please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
