I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
