Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
