playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
