He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
