you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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