woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
