Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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