Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
