I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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