Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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