So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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