There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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