hotel room ftw
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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