I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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