ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
