OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
