once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
