Where is the hickey?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
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I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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