One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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