I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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