I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
one two three fourrrrnication!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
