she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
