i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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