did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The air taste purple.
Randomize
