ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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