my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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