It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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