I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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