Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
