My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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