i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
