Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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